BY: Ayomide Arowobusoye
Sometimes, you find out that your relationship isn’t where you want it to to be. It’s almost like you are taking two steps forward and three backward.
Before concluding that he isn’t the one for you or saying ‘o maybe that’s why my friends don’t like her’, it’s best to sit, relax, and confirm that you are not being toxic; that you’re not unintentionally hurting them with your own actions.
Showing toxic behaviours doesn’t necessarily mean you are a totally toxic person, it sometimes mean there are some seriously bad habits that you need to unlearn.
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These habits come off to normal and seem like not that much of a big deal, when it actually is. The habits hinder the growth of relations, many teams, but the society just sort of pay no attention to them.
Here are the 3 very common and very damaging habits, worshipped in our society:
This falls mostly on the ladies. Sometimes, we expect our boyfriends and husbands to somehow know what we need without telling them. Even though it might be the sweetest thing in the world if they pick up hints and do what we want without being told, truth is they are not magicians so we should cut them some slack sometimes. You shouldn’t expect your husband to be a mind-reader all the time, that’s a toxic habit.
By expecting your partner to know your needs, you’re creating resentment for yourself to feel and basically setting yourself up for headaches and heart aches anchored by disappointment. Save yourself of going through the unnecessary stress by being straight forward.
So, instead of saying, “oooo I learnt Omo Ghetto is the bomb, almost all my friends have seen it, I’m so jealous of them”, say “Omo Ghetto seems like a great movie, can we go to the cinemas over the weekend?”
Since we are on that topic, check-out our review of Omo Ghetto: The Saga here (MOVIE REVIEW) Omo Ghetto: The Saga- “Love No Love Me”.
Being a control freak
Nobody loves a power drunk lover. Telling your partner what to wear, who they can and can’t see, what calls they must pick at what time, how to talk and when they must be free to spend time with you, checking their phone are all controlling behaviours and toxic too.
Jealousy in most cases is not a proof of undying love; trust is. If you love them, you’ll respect their autonomy. It is perfectly fine to create boundaries and let your partner know when you’re uncomfortable. If they respect and love you you’ll come to a compromise. However, compromise happens when the demands are reasonable.
Not fixing the problems
Sometimes, we make the mistake of sweeping problems under the carpet. It’s best to tackle the problem immediately they occur. We shouldn’t always try to cover it up or “package” it in a nice way or give excuses for it mentally; that’s toxic. Think of problems as an open wound, trying to cover it up is more like putting a band-Aid over it, with time, the wound will start to get infected and grow.
Eventually, the problem will explode in your face and might create greater ones. For instance, if you feel disrespected by your partner, talk about it, and decide how to make things better.
Feature image from Mark Manson