…Keep those words out of my DM dkm
You want to understand ‘fear of the unknown’? Wait till you wake up to a “We need to talk” text. Among the most dreaded four words anyone can hear from a partner are “We need to talk”. Few four-word sentences have the power to strike fear into a person’s heart, mind, and soul as quickly as “we need to talk”. Anyone who’s ever received such message can testify to its disruptive, day-ruining power. You’re immediately sent into a frenzy of anxiety. The next question that pops in your head is “what have I done?’ or “what did I say?”
I looked up “We need to talk” on Urban Dictionary. Someone said it means “Listen to me now or I’m walking out the door.” Truth is, in some cases, the ‘talk’ might not necessarily be scary or something to break a sweat on, but you see we’ve been conditioned to think it will be frightening because of what we have read in books, seen on TV and in movies. For many, it’s the beginning of the end. “Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst” becomes the mindset immediately.
And then, it’s just as hard to say as it is to hear. The talker is just as anxious as “talkee”. So, basically, it’s just a truckload of anxiety being baton-passed.
But do you know this situation can be managed? In fact, it can be avoided entirely. There is an extremely easy fix for this that doesn’t involve anyone have a deep-thought under the shower or forgetting rice on fire.
How? Don’t say we need to talk! Yes, it’s that simple. Don’t!. But if you have a coconut head and feel you have to follow the “protocol”, if you are like; No, it must be a “talk,” one that “we need to” have, then say “we need to talk”and Soro soke immediately.
If, for instance, you have perceived that the talk is going to be contentious, then please dear, just talk right away. Talk straight up. You can’t tell me the warning you give ahead actually helps anyone. In fact, it does the opposite. Don’t increase the blood pressure of your partner. Avoid the mess entirely by just talking to them about the thing you want to talk about when you want to talk about it. Don’t make the other person wait, and don’t you dare be surprised if they act frightened.
You can also say we need to talk without saying we need to talk
If you don’t actually plan on a confrontation of some sort, then make your words clear and friendly. I’d show you a few ways. How about, ‘Sup, we haven’t talked in a long time. Let’s catch up on how things are going”, “Hiii, it’s been a while”, not convinced yet, you want to hit the nail on the head? Fine, then use “Hit me up as soon as you’re free, there are certain things I need to talk to you about”. This will give your significant other an idea that something is ‘up’, but at least won’t give him/her a cardiac arrest.
Telling your partner, ‘we need to talk’ probably isn’t going to get them in the right frame of mind. It doesn’t make for a more productive conversation.
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