You won’t be able to practice it because your partner isn’t a pornstar.
In the quest to spice up their sex life, some married men and even embrace and watch pornography (porn). This is practice according to a relationship expert is mostly counter-productive and emotionally damaging.
In a series of tweets detailing seven personal lessons from his marriage, Rowland Haastrup, a pharmacist by training and popularly known as Don of Lagos (@RowlyDaDon), how the practice of watching porn can undermine the sex life of couples. He writes:
1. Never compare your wife to another woman, in any area whatsoever. Even if it is your mother, Never make that mistake. This is also applicable to ladies who especially compare their partners to their dads or other men they once dated. It is the wrongest thing to do.
If you do this, that relationship won’t see the light of day. It will only end in frustration. When you do this, it only demoralizes & dampens your partner especially when you say it. It kills the spark in that marriage. Most times you think it, but stop. Avoid it at all cost.
2. Never hide your finances from your spouse You could think you are keeping more money to yourself by doing this but you aren’t. If your wife is a prudent, truthful and not an overly spending woman like my wife, then please expose it all to her.
These women are better at home finance management. I was a spender but was not aware I was until I got married. If she is someone who spends without caring about the future or doesn’t care about any budget that could be drawn to manage money, my brother you are on your own o.
3. Always be truthful to your spouse about your friends of the opposite sex. The moment you start hiding your friends of the opposite sex or someone you have been engaging without his/her knowledge, you are already laying the bed of cheating and adultery. It is just a matter of time. I am a terrific extrovert and I could be engaging someone and get so carried away without my wife knowing about it; so this was becoming an issue, then I had to adjust. Nobody at all likes to be in that situation. To avoid wahala let your partner know about the person and all.
4. Never raise your voice on your wife, Never in all you do, never do this. This usually happens in an argument and I once used to do it. Unfortunately, naturally my voice is usually loud and that’s been from my childhood. Those who know me knows this. However, this is still not enough reason to try overpower your partner with your voice. It isn’t right. It psychologically & mentally weakens your partner, killing the spark between you two.
Even if you are right, sometimes keep quiet until it all goes down. I know it is tough but you can do it. Don’t be too quick to prove your point because you feel you are right. One thing I have discovered is that when there is an issue in a relationship, no matter how you swing it and how badly one of you have behaved, BOTH OF YOU ARE AT FAULT. If you take time to sit and meditate on the whole issue, no matter how right you think you are, you’ve got a fault, trust me. There is somewhere somehow where you could have done things better and the matter wouldn’t have ended the way it did. So no matter what, don’t be too keen to prove your point and never raise your voice
5. Never watch Porn. You might be tempted to want to learn one or two things from porn to spice up your sex life or learn a few things. Trust me, that thing will only damage your sex life. Remember sex involves more of your mind and soul than your physical body. This is same as porn. It would seem like you’re learning 1 or 2 things but it is a lie because the thing you claim you learnt, you won’t be able to practice it because your partner isn’t a pornstar. However, your mind has been damaged by your expectations not being met; there is a urge to fulfil it.
Then you start looking out for other means of fulfilment. The video is stuck in your mind and renders you unproductive and you could begin to find your partner unattractive; hence, not as aroused as you ought to subsequently. Run away from Porn.
6. Manage In-law relationship well. Never allow any in-law talk down or talk poorly about your wife even in her absence even if it’s your own parent. Never allow it. Address it on the spot whenever it happens. Don’t respect anybody enough for your partner to be dragged in the mud or like tiger generator. Remember you are one and if you allow it, it will continue and even you will lose your worth in their eyes. Don’t wait till later to address it. Address it respectfully on the spot. It binds you both more and your partner respects and loves you more for it
7. Your partner should always be your priority. When kids come into the picture, attention will be shared; however, always be conscious of this and never let it affect your primary relationship with your spouse. Never. Your kids will leave you one day. But your spouse will remain by your side and then your eyes will clear. Don’t lose that closeness and affection. Let it get stronger and better. Create moments with her alone without the kids. Let the kids watch you both grow in affectionate love – this is one of the best gifts you can give your kids.
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